OPINIONATRIX…because my opinions dominate

{October 30, 2008}   A Letter To The Undecided Voter

Dear Undecided Voter,

For the better part of a year I have heard all about you.  I have seen panels of you interviewed on TV and watched for your opinions after each of the debates.  In this presidential race, it seems like you guys are the popular crowd.   The candidates want your vote, the newspapers want to talk to you and you are all I ever hear about on the evening news.  Wow, no wonder you’re undecided – it’s beneficial!  You, my little undecided friend, are getting all the attention.

Frankly, I don’t know how you could still be undecided.  This is a year in which we could not have two more different candidates.  Their opinions on individual issues are more clear than ever, thanks to in depth websites and round the clock news coverage.  Plus, if you really don’t like either of these guys then there are always third party candidates to whom you could give your vote – I don’t recommend this, but it’s still an option.  I’d say as far as elections go, there is a wide and diverse smorgasbord of candidates to choose from – SO CHOOSE!  In the beginning I understand wanting to feel it out more, but we have less than a week left!  How have you not been able to make up your mind?  What do you think (or hope) to learn over the course of the next 6 days?

Honestly, I don’t believe you.  I think you know exactly who you’re going to vote for.  You just like the attention you’re getting for being “undecided.”  You are just like that annoying kid in pre-school who goes around singing “I know something you don’t know.”  In pre-school it’s annoying, but understandable because the perpetrator is 4 years old.  In an adult undecided voter it’s a downright stupid and attention getting ploy.

Guess what? I am through with you.  I don’t want to hear any more of your opinions.  I don’t want to follow your “voter dials” on the bottom of news screens in order to see which candidate says the right thing in order to register as positive with you.  I cannot wait until November 5th, because that’s the day when you will have to get down off your pedestals and join the ranks with the rest of us.  Unfortunately for you guys, the rest of us have already mastered the skill of decision making and are thus a bit ahead in the game of life.

All I can say is g-d forbid I have to wait in line behind you at the deli, because I don’t even want to know how long it takes you to pick a sandwich.

With(out) Love,



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